Susan GrahamThe Birth Order Effect
November 28th 2007 20:58
Many psychologists argue that our positioning in the family - whether you are the first child, middle child, or youngest, plays a significant part in determining our personality, the life we lead, the friendships we have, the people we love, and the work we do. This is a little concerning as out birth order is completely beyond our control. Surely we aren’t dooming our youngest children to failure even before they have been born?
According to Kevin Leman, the characteristics of first-borns are:
•Perfectionistic, reliable, list-maker, well-organized, critical, serious, scholarly.
The characteristics of Middle children are:
• Mediator, fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, independent, extreme loyalty to the peer group, many friends.
And the characteristics of the youngest child are:
•Manipulative, charming, blames others, shows off, people person, good salesperson, precocious.
Seems a bit of an over-generalisation, but if these ideas remained in popular psychology for several decades there has to be something in it doesn’t there?
Certainly looking at the British Royal Family birth order has played a huge role in the path’s Princess William and Harry taken in their lives. Even before birth Prince Harry has the odds stacked against him as his parents already had a son who had been born into the automatic role of future King of England. Prince Harry would unfortunately be known as the ‘spare’ and his brother Prince William the heir.
In his book Why First-borns Rule the World and Last-borns Want to Change It parenting expert Michael Grose says that we are fighting for our parents love, attention and affection from the day we are born, and that human evolution means that the first-born inherits power and the youngster sent to war. But surely it is Harry who is in the more powerful position when it comes to determining the direction of his own life?
I would like to hope our lives are influenced by more than just birth order, and that as a parent I have my own role to play in my child’s life such as creating a happy family environment, taking a keen interest in educational issues, being supportive and understanding.
But then as a first-born myself am I just trying to over-achieve?
According to Kevin Leman, the characteristics of first-borns are:
•Perfectionistic, reliable, list-maker, well-organized, critical, serious, scholarly.
The characteristics of Middle children are:
• Mediator, fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, independent, extreme loyalty to the peer group, many friends.
And the characteristics of the youngest child are:
•Manipulative, charming, blames others, shows off, people person, good salesperson, precocious.
Seems a bit of an over-generalisation, but if these ideas remained in popular psychology for several decades there has to be something in it doesn’t there?
Certainly looking at the British Royal Family birth order has played a huge role in the path’s Princess William and Harry taken in their lives. Even before birth Prince Harry has the odds stacked against him as his parents already had a son who had been born into the automatic role of future King of England. Prince Harry would unfortunately be known as the ‘spare’ and his brother Prince William the heir.
In his book Why First-borns Rule the World and Last-borns Want to Change It parenting expert Michael Grose says that we are fighting for our parents love, attention and affection from the day we are born, and that human evolution means that the first-born inherits power and the youngster sent to war. But surely it is Harry who is in the more powerful position when it comes to determining the direction of his own life?
I would like to hope our lives are influenced by more than just birth order, and that as a parent I have my own role to play in my child’s life such as creating a happy family environment, taking a keen interest in educational issues, being supportive and understanding.
But then as a first-born myself am I just trying to over-achieve?
| 97 |
| Vote |
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
The model of characteristics you have there almost perfectly fits our family.
You are right, I think, parents can change the way this comes about. After all, parents are the reason this order exists. It's not nature that gives these characteristics in accordance with birth order, it's the way children are treated subjectively within a family, yes?
With me, I was around adults the most, given the most attention. I was a novelty as the first, and have loads of photo albums devoted to me. The second-born goes with the flow more, tells it how it is, gets on with his own goals without being influenced too much by the rest of the family. The last born is a definite manipulator, full of charm and appeal on the surface, but is very selfish and irresponsible. Maybe because he could get away with it more, since my parents already had their hands full by this stage, and maybe become more lax with discipline? Maybe this is a regular trend with parents. And then gender probably plays a large part too.
Gosh, long comment, sorry. Great post!
Michaelie
Comment by Rose
Comment by Patricia
Travel Stripe
Comment by Rose
I am the first-born of 4 and I have to say having 3 siblings is great, at least it is when you get past your teens and you really start to sppreciate each other.