quick-fingersResenting life.
I write this as a vent, but also because I know many other mothers feel the same way that I do, even if they are afraid or ashamed to admit it. Today when my husband left for work I found myself jealous that he was able to go. He gets a break from this madness of home life. He gets to go somewhere and does something that makes him feel accomplished. He has other people in his life other than us. And here I sit. A mother who sometimes begs and prays for some time to herself. I would love to go somewhere and accomplish something. Yes, I know deep down that I do work. I work harder than my husband, no doubt about it. But we don't get the thanks that we deserve, or that we need.
Being a mother is the most unselfish act of a woman. Why is it that we get so lost in that, that we forget to be us? Why is it that your own personal dreams and goals in life get put on the back burner? Do you resent that? Come on, you do... at least a little. Then you start feeling guilty for the fact that you do resent it. Some people would love to be mothers and for some reason Mother Nature won't give them that right. Some people lose their children way too early. Thinking of these people make you mad at yourself for resenting motherhood and all that it brings with it. But, I believe it is natural. I think almost all mothers feel that way; they just aren't open about it.
I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to be an author. I wanted to be a radio personality. I still could be??? Well, no. I never was able to finish college. I want to. I have spoken to my husband about it and he isn't supportive of my dreams. "It just isn't realistic with our lifestyle." He's right, but it is still hard to hear. Yes, I could go and reach for my dreams, but is the gain worth the sacrifices that would come with it? No.
Resentment. I resent that he can do whatever he wants as a career, and I cannot. Resentment. I resent that I supported him through school and I watched him walk across the stage and receive his degree, wondering if I will ever get that chance. Resentment. I resent that he does something every day that makes him feel like something other than a husband and a father. Resentment.
I look back on the life of my mother. Army wife. She was a stay at home mom. She would iron his uniforms, pack his lunch, and keep a hot dinner on the table every night. She raised us. After we all left for college, he moves on. Leaves her with nothing but the furniture. She is in her 50's being a substitute cook in the school system. She is not qualified for anything else; after all... she was just a housewife and a mom. RESENTMENT. She isn't happy.
What do we do to get rid of the resentment? I blog. Nothing comes of it. What did I expect? Maybe some promised income that did seem too good to be true. Maybe someone will see talent. Maybe I could make a difference with someone out there. Blogging may get me heard, but it doesn't help.
I guess I need to take my own advice that I give my kids all the time "Suck it up". I am sure we would all change something in our life. A choice that we made, a path we chose. Those people that say "I wouldn't change a thing in my life because what I chose got me here" Blah, blah BLAH! LIARS! Everyone would change something.
I could be one of those mothers that is a career woman. Why not? Lots of people drop off their kids at daycare every day and go about their life. I can't be that mom. I tried it. Can't do it. I wish I was that person. I really am not sure how moms do that. If they have to, that is one thing - but the ones that do it because they want to. I can't let go.
So, let's see... I am jealous of the husband, would like something of my own, but don't want to not be here for my kids. Sound familiar? I guess this is motherhood. There aren’t answers. "Suck it up MOM!"
Being a mother is the most unselfish act of a woman. Why is it that we get so lost in that, that we forget to be us? Why is it that your own personal dreams and goals in life get put on the back burner? Do you resent that? Come on, you do... at least a little. Then you start feeling guilty for the fact that you do resent it. Some people would love to be mothers and for some reason Mother Nature won't give them that right. Some people lose their children way too early. Thinking of these people make you mad at yourself for resenting motherhood and all that it brings with it. But, I believe it is natural. I think almost all mothers feel that way; they just aren't open about it.
I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to be an author. I wanted to be a radio personality. I still could be??? Well, no. I never was able to finish college. I want to. I have spoken to my husband about it and he isn't supportive of my dreams. "It just isn't realistic with our lifestyle." He's right, but it is still hard to hear. Yes, I could go and reach for my dreams, but is the gain worth the sacrifices that would come with it? No.
Resentment. I resent that he can do whatever he wants as a career, and I cannot. Resentment. I resent that I supported him through school and I watched him walk across the stage and receive his degree, wondering if I will ever get that chance. Resentment. I resent that he does something every day that makes him feel like something other than a husband and a father. Resentment.
I look back on the life of my mother. Army wife. She was a stay at home mom. She would iron his uniforms, pack his lunch, and keep a hot dinner on the table every night. She raised us. After we all left for college, he moves on. Leaves her with nothing but the furniture. She is in her 50's being a substitute cook in the school system. She is not qualified for anything else; after all... she was just a housewife and a mom. RESENTMENT. She isn't happy.
What do we do to get rid of the resentment? I blog. Nothing comes of it. What did I expect? Maybe some promised income that did seem too good to be true. Maybe someone will see talent. Maybe I could make a difference with someone out there. Blogging may get me heard, but it doesn't help.
I guess I need to take my own advice that I give my kids all the time "Suck it up". I am sure we would all change something in our life. A choice that we made, a path we chose. Those people that say "I wouldn't change a thing in my life because what I chose got me here" Blah, blah BLAH! LIARS! Everyone would change something.
I could be one of those mothers that is a career woman. Why not? Lots of people drop off their kids at daycare every day and go about their life. I can't be that mom. I tried it. Can't do it. I wish I was that person. I really am not sure how moms do that. If they have to, that is one thing - but the ones that do it because they want to. I can't let go.
So, let's see... I am jealous of the husband, would like something of my own, but don't want to not be here for my kids. Sound familiar? I guess this is motherhood. There aren’t answers. "Suck it up MOM!"
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Have you considered freelance writing? You obviously write well enough. Parenting magazines, for example, may like your call-it-as-I-see-it style. Freelance writing, like blogging, takes a little time to build up, but you can do as much or as little as you want, when you want. Just an idea ...
Regards,
Chris
It seems to me that you need a career change. It sounds like you're just not thrilled with the "ho-hum" lifestyle of the stay-at-home mom.
Perhaps it's time for something new?
I would suggest taking your children and husband to a third world country and selling them into slavery. This will not only afford you some project funding but will also alleviate much of your responsibility to them.
From here you may begin your new and exciting career as an Assassin, or Slave-Trader, considering you've already obtained some entry-level experience in the field.
Both careers are exciting and pay well.
I used to be a stay-at-home mom just like you. Until my house caught fire mysteriously one day and after my family disappeared I, much like yourself, found myself at the threshold of an exciting new life!
These days I am a professional Dinosaur Hunter in the far reaches of the Amazon jungle where the prehistoric world still hungers for the blood of man.
Sometimes I think about my children and my husband. I think about our mundane lives back in the old days. I remember cooking and cleaning and watching Oprah. Yet that time has passed now, I cannot allow these emotions to stop me from seeking the ultimate hunt.
World Domination Is Within Your Grasp!
NO OFFENSE!
Famous Country
Chris, I have thought of freelance writing, but not sure my writing is up to par yet. I use to write very well, but have gotten out of practice leading my "Ho Hum" lifestyle of "cooking, cleaning, and watching Oprah" - seeing as how that's all i do being a SAHM and all! Thanks for the compliment and advice Chris!
When I read your July 14 Resenting life, for a minute I thought I had written those words. It is exactly how I feel. I have two kids and am a stay home mom. I have no time for myself and my whole day is spent changing diapers feeding and tidying after the kids. I just need space, a few hours a day to have the opportunity to miss them and them me. I am sometimes so angry that I can not enjoy motherhood and wonder whether working mothers are able to enjoy their kids more.
I like writing too. I have studied journalism and my projects are on the back burner too. My older son will soon start school and I am hoping to be able to complete my projects: writing & illustrting children's books.
good luck.
be patient and when it gets intense, take a 10 minute break away from the situation. When you get back everything will seem different. Simpler, clearer & more manageable.
That's exactly how i feel and my husband makes me fell like i;m crazy and don't make any sense... he always says I'm over reacting...
I know I wouldn't be able to be a stay at home father and I do try my best to give my wife the 'alone' time that she deserves, but after reading this, maybe it's not quite enough.
I am going to send my wife on a weekend out with her girlfriends. A week to just go and have fun without me and without the kids. I do watch my children, but maybe not as much as I should.
I too feel bad about not wanting to be around my children 24/7, but let's face it, who does? Every parent needs some time, both the mother and the father.
Also, you should think about the father's perspective. He is working to support all of you. He has a heavy burden on his shoulders. He has to make sure there is food on the table, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and things to entertain you while he is away. This is no small task, and while to you it may seem menial, it is in fact not. This burden of having to finance a family is a stressful one. The father knows that if something happens, he will be to blame. If the bills get shut off, that is all on him. It's not as easy as you make it out to be.
While I say that, at the same time, your job is not menial either. Both roles are an important part of taking care of children, but they both have a lot of stresses associated with them. Different, but still stresses nonetheless.
As far as your husband refusing to entertain the notion of you getting a career, that is absolute crap. This is no longer the 18th or 19th century. Women work. That's all there is to it. There is nothing wrong with it.
In regard to your comment about Daycare, there are several studies that show daycare makes a child more intelligent, sociable, and less likely to get in trouble in school later on in life. Daycare is a good thing; if you find the right one of course.
Don't beat yourself up about having to leave your kids with others. This has been done since the beginning of time; we have to work together.
In closing. Take some of your husband's money and send those kids off to daycare for a day. Just do it. That one day will make a huge difference in the weeks and months to come. Every parent needs time away. We all feel like we're going crazy at some point or another.